


You've Seen the Butcher

by Dont_touch_the_phlebotinum



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mentions of Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-11
Updated: 2014-11-11
Packaged: 2018-02-25 00:49:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,070
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2602466
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dont_touch_the_phlebotinum/pseuds/Dont_touch_the_phlebotinum
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They didn't stay the night in each other's beds. It was a simple rule, one they had never even felt the need to formally establish, clear as it was. Their encounters were about flesh and nothing more. If they drifted into sleep afterwards, as they often did, they would simply return to their own chambers within Avengers Tower long before the sun rose. In the light of day, their nocturnal activities had never happened.<br/>But as it turned out, even the simplest of rules could be broken.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You've Seen the Butcher

They didn't stay the night in each other's beds. It was a simple rule, one they had never even felt the need to formally establish, clear as it was. Their encounters were about flesh and nothing more. If they drifted into sleep afterwards, as they often did, they would simply return to their own chambers within Avengers Tower long before the sun rose. In the light of day, their nocturnal activities had never happened.

But as it turned out, even the simplest of rules could be broken.

It was still dark outside when Loki stirred – as dark as it ever was in Earth's cities. Loki had often wondered what beasts lurked in the shadows that humans would strive to protect themselves in blinding light, yet as far as he could tell there were few creatures on this realm more fearsome and dangerous than humans themselves. They were a strange breed. And he had encountered none more so than the one lying unconscious beside him.

He flinched while Loki stretched his aching muscles and prepared to withdraw to his own bedroom; quiet noises of distress slipping from him, his eyes clenched shut against whatever horrors he could see in his mind, the bedsheets twisting and pulling away from Loki in the tight grip of mechanical fingers.

"Barnes," Loki said. When the word wasn't enough to pull him from his nightmares, Loki rolled his eyes and shoved roughly at Barnes' side.

Well, it served to wake him. The cold steel flying out to press against Loki's throat wasn't quite the reward for his troubles he would have preferred, though.

Sleeping with a blade under his pillow. Loki would have laughed had he not his own – albeit far more nuanced – protection in place for his most vulnerable moments. "That won't do you any good," he said.

Barnes sighed and dropped the knife, collapsing in on himself at the realisation that it was only Loki disturbing him rather than whatever monsters he had seen in his dreams. "What are you still doing here?" he said wearily. "You got what you wanted."

"I was just about to leave. Fortunate for you, that I had not yet, else you would still be in your nightmare land."

Loki slithered out from under Barnes kneeling on the mattress and as he stood his clothes rematerialised on his skin. He had not the patience to dress himself the long way. Letting someone else peel off his clothes, piece by piece, layer by layer? Now that was a different story. But dressing again afterwards wasn't nearly as fun. He turned back to the bed to face Barnes in time to find him running a trembling hand over his face, sweat clinging to his skin and his chest rising and falling almost as rapidly as it did during their trysts.

"What did you see?"

He shook his head in response. "I'm fine," he said quickly, and looked up at Loki with a smile even less convincing than his tone had been. "No need to stay on my account."

He looked like he needed nothing more than a companion to distract from the turmoil in his mind, though if he claimed to want solitude, then so be it. What comfort could Loki provide, anyway? He knew a little of Barnes' past, gleaned from overheard conversations between the Avengers and whatever records he'd managed to sneak a glimpse at before Barnes joined them in the tower, but he wasn't privy to the man's secrets. Both inside and out of the bedroom, they shared few words. Barnes was best left to himself.

"Very well." Loki crossed the few steps to the bedroom door and glanced over his shoulder as he pulled it open. "Until next time, Sergeant."

"Yeah. See ya."

Loki strolled through the tower back to his own quarters, refreshed enough from his brief rest to walk rather than waste the effort of using magic to transport himself. And at this time of night, it was doubtful he would run into anyone. The only person likely to still be awake so late was Stark, tinkering away down in his workshop and not venturing near the section of the tower that housed the living quarters for quite some time yet.

However, when he reached the door to his own chambers, something stopped him from pushing it open and sinking into his own bed, and he paused with his fingers hovering at the door handle, a frown knitting his brows. It was prescience perhaps, or simply a residual sense from their brief conversation, but there was something about Barnes' mood when Loki had left him that caused a bad feeling to settle in Loki's gut. And whatever it was that had ceased his steps, it was powerful enough to motivate him to return to Barnes' side.

This time, Loki did let his magic take him, and he found himself stood on the rooftop of the tower, cold wind biting at his cheeks as he glanced around in search of Barnes. He spotted him after a moment, sat atop the low wall across from where Loki stood and gazing down at the city so far below.

He knew Loki was there before he'd taken a step.

"What do you want?" he called over the din of the city.

Loki smirked, though he remained silent as he made his way across the rooftop. It was only when he had joined Barnes and made himself comfortable resting against the wall beside him that he spoke.

"You know, if you were to jump from here, more likely than not you would simply land on the balcony." He peered over the wall as well to study the drop more closely. "With your enhancements, it wouldn't be enough to kill you – though it would certainly result in a nasty injury and a great deal of difficult questions for you to answer."

"I'm not about to off myself."

"Good."

He was shooting Loki a sceptical look when Loki took his eyes off of the penthouse balcony to glance back at him. "You were worried?"

"Purely for selfish reasons, I assure you. Bedding you wouldn't be nearly as much fun if you were injured."

"Thanks for your concern," he said with a weak smile. "Though I thought you liked having me in pain."

A wry smile worked its way back to Loki's face at the thought. He could still feel the scratches littering the right side of his hip and backside; the result of him pinning Barnes to the mattress and pounding into him until he'd screamed, in equal parts pleasure and sheer, desperate need for more.

"Don't try to take the moral high road. It's as much a perversion to take pleasure in inflicting pain as it is for you to enjoy it to the degree you do, Barnes."

"I guess so," he said, dipping his head as a tiny hint of a smile dawned on his own features. His spirits seemed to be lifting more and more with each passing minute. "And you really should just call me Bucky."

"That's not a name."

Soft laughter mingled with the noise echoing up to them from below and was carried away on the breeze while Loki swung his legs over the wall to take a seat atop its cold concrete. Gazing down at the miniature buildings and roads beneath them, it almost felt like sitting at the top of the world.

"You're one to talk, pal."

Loki tore his eyes away to turn his attention to his companion, still gazing out at the view as if it offered him some peace he couldn't find elsewhere. "I must admit, _Bucky_ ," he said. "I do wonder at times why you would have me be so rough. Given your history, I would have thought you'd seen enough pain for a lifetime."

"I probably should have. But I don't know; it's different, I guess. When HYDRA had me, the pain was all there was – I couldn't control it, couldn't make it stop. With you it's a good kind of hurt."

"Is that why you want me?"

"Maybe. Maybe it makes me feel like less of a terrible person in comparison."

He turned to meet Loki's eyes with a grin and Loki chuckled. It was the brightest he had ever seen the man, his boyish smile stretching wide across his face until his eyes, which were so often brimming with sadness or simply hollowed by the memories of his former life, came alive. Loki had to say, the look was quite becoming on him. It was clear to see why he had been so popular once upon a time with that expression on his face.

"Well I shall wear that like a badge of honour," said Loki warmly. "Perhaps I should do something horribly destructive to make you feel even better."

"Don't even think about it." Bucky's smile faded a little as he turned from Loki's gaze again and he sighed. "It's easier with you," he continued, his tone serious, before glancing back towards the door of the stairwell, apparently checking to ensure they weren't about to be disturbed. "The others, all they care about is how I'm coping with everything, if I'm adjusting. It's just exhausting trying to be okay for them."

"Have you considered telling them the truth?"

It was possibly the first time he'd ever advocated such, and Bucky was as shocked by it as Loki himself. He stared at Loki with an eyebrow raised in disbelief. "The god of lies is advising me to tell the truth?"

"We live in strange times indeed."

Bucky let out a low hum of agreement in response. He of all people had to be well aware of that fact.

"I can't tell them," he said. "They already look at me like I might break any second. If they knew how bad it really was..." He trailed off, shaking his head at the thought, and started again. "I don't know if I could ever come back from what HYDRA did to me if everyone else was constantly worrying that I'll never get better."

"Is that what you were dreaming of; your time as HYDRA's puppet?" That would explain his distress upon waking, and why he had been so reluctant to share the details of what had troubled him so. Now though, he had evidently found some catharsis in revealing his innermost thoughts. He nodded when Loki gazed over at him.

"It's like I'm living it all over again," he said. "The things I did, the people I hurt. Half the time I don't even know if the things I see really happened or not."

"Do you never dream of anything else?"

His answer was a derisive snort. "I wish."

Loki could understand that far better than he'd have liked to. His own nightmares had eased somewhat over time, but on occasion he was still haunted by the abyss, by the barren rock he had found himself stranded on once he'd finally stopped falling until his saviours had made their presence known. Few and far between though the instances were, a hint of dread yet lingered in the pit of Loki's stomach every time he lay down to sleep, that his mind would take him back to that world again.

"It is curious, though, why you would rather subject yourself to the torment than simply, as you so delicately put it, 'off yourself.'"

"Thought about it," Bucky said quietly.

Loki would have been more surprised to hear that he'd never considered such. "And decided against it?"

Bucky leant forward to stare down the sheer face of the building again, as if considering throwing himself from it once more. "Feels like the easy way out," he replied once he'd straightened and returned his gaze to Loki's face. "Much as I'd love to forget again or make it all stop, if just having to live with everything I've done is as much punishment as I'll get, I gotta suck it up and take it. God knows I deserve a hell of a lot worse."

"You seem to be the only one who thinks yourself deserving of any punishment at all. Besides, what good would torturing yourself serve? Your pain won't bring back the people you killed."

"So you're saying forget about it; it's in the past?"

Loki shrugged.

"Why are you here then, if you don't care about the things you did?"

"It suits me for now."

The moment that changed, though, he would be gone. And the Avengers would presumably be glad for it. He was of use to them for the moment, which was why they offered him sanctuary in return, but once they no longer shared a mutual enemy there was no cause for their arrangement to continue.

"Because of this Thanos guy I keep hearing about?" Bucky said, and Loki gave a brief nod. "How do you know so much about him?"

"Spectacular good fortune," he replied with a humourless smile. Bucky watched him attentively, the curiosity in his eyes urging Loki to continue. "You aren't the only one who fell. I would have tumbled through the abyss for eternity had I not been found – but it came with a price."

"That's why you attacked Earth," said Bucky, putting the pieces together himself.

"Trust me, I had no qualms about it." And, certainly, Loki had done more than his share of terrible things before he had ended up indebted to Thanos, and likely would again once he was free to do so. "Though I have no desire to be anyone's puppet, as I'm sure you can understand only too well."

He didn't need to spare a glance in Bucky's direction to know he was nodding soberly in confirmation.

"These heroes are surprisingly competent," he went on. "They'll probably still die horribly, though if they have a chance of defeating the Mad Titan when he makes his threat known, then I'll gladly offer my services in exchange for their aid."

"He's bad, huh?"

"Oh, yes."

"Hard to imagine there's a person like that out there in the universe somewhere, just biding his time and waiting to attack."

Gazing up at the night sky, its stars hidden by the light on the ground and the thick, inky black clouds drifting lazily past overhead, Loki could only agree.

"Do you often spend your nights sat up here?" he said after a moment.

"Sometimes, when it gets too noisy in my head."

As he spoke a growing cacophony of noise drew Loki's attention to the helicopter drawing nearer from the opposite direction. His eyes flicked back to Bucky once it had passed the tower and the rhythmic thundering of its blades had died out enough for him to hear his own thoughts again. "Is this any quieter?"

"Not so much," Bucky admitted. "But the view's incredible."

Spoken like a true Midgardian. They really did have no scope for anything beyond their own realm. Loki smiled to himself at the ignorance that a race who so prided themselves on their apparent advancements was somehow capable of, and looked up to see Bucky watching him with an arched eyebrow.

"What, does it not meet your high standards?" he said, his voice rife with amusement.

"If you had seen some of the wonders the rest of the nine realms have to offer, it would not meet yours either." Just a glimpse at Asgard, with its valleys and mountains and vast seas cascading out into the very heavens – to say nothing of the citadel itself – would likely render Bucky speechless with awe. Loki would have to show him some time. He was sure to find a handful of spells or enchantments that would let the view unfold in Bucky's mind if he searched in the right places.

"Then why have you been hanging out on Earth if it's so underwhelming here?"

Loki shrugged in response. "The company's not so bad, I suppose."

Bucky grinned again and turned his gaze back out to enjoy the view. The glow from the towering buildings around them cast him a striking figure. Loki had overheard a great many of Captain Rogers' tales of the man Bucky had been in years long past – confident, carefree and undeniably appealing to just about everyone fortunate enough to cross paths with him – and in this light he no longer seemed a mere shadow of who he once was.

It was some effort to draw his eyes away from the sight, so removed it was from what Loki was used to. He forced himself, though, and long minutes of comfortable silence passed between them while he peered through his spread knees to watch the dark-haired figure that had come to stand out on the balcony. He casually sipped his drink, oblivious to the figures sat in the shadows above him, before returning inside once he had emptied his glass. If Stark was turning in for the night, the hour must have grown late indeed. Even the city below them was growing quieter; not yet enough to make a tangible difference, but from the sound of it, the night was definitely beginning to wind down.

"Return to bed, Sergeant Barnes," Loki said. "And pray for better dreams."

"Yeah," replied Bucky, though the move he made after the word had left him wasn't one to depart. He leant forward to close the small distance between their bodies, and pressed his lips softly against Loki's.

Loki froze in place, taken off guard by the kiss. During their time in bed together it was the scrape of teeth and nails, the sharp tug of hair and bruises lasting for days; punishing each other and being punished in turn for their transgressions. This was something new. Though before he could decide whether to pull away and disparage Bucky for his affections or return them with heightened vigour, Bucky's lips left him as delicately as they had first brushed his.

He gave Loki a gentle smile and hopped back down onto the gravel, though as Loki watched him go he paused in the doorway that would lead him back into the warmth of the tower and turned his gaze to Loki one last time, metal fingers self-consciously tapping against the steel of the door.

"Come with me?"

Loki studied him for a moment – far longer than he needed to come to his decision – before climbing down himself and following Bucky inside.


End file.
